new game "corrupt a wish"

[Viking-Sensei]

Granted. The ghost of John Keats beats you to death using a giant steam-powered mechanical Nightingale.

I wish singing "Rock You Like a Hurricane" gave you the power to control the weather.

[Alberich]

Granted. The ghost of John Keats beats you to death using a giant steam-powered mechanical Nightingale.

cease..upon..the...midnight..with...no pain...arrrrrggggghhhh...(dies)

I wish singing "Rock You Like a Hurricane" gave you the power to control the weather.

Granted, but word gets out. al-Qaeda, Hezbollah, and the Taliban teach all their members to sing it, and the U.S. recruits a Karaoke Crack Utility Force to counter them. In the resulting Weather War, the West eventually wins, but every place on earth you actually like is destroyed by floods and lightning. Furthermore, you are recruited to the KCUF, serve long and miserable tours overseas which wreck your love life, your combat patch looks really silly, you get chaptered out for laryngitis right before your promotion board was going to meet, and besides that you grow utterly sick of that song before the first two weeks are over.

I wish to die happy.

[Jack Rothwell]

Granted. You get your surname legally changed to Happy and then get hit by a bus.

I wish for a monkey with a typewriter.

[Viking-Sensei]

Done. You are suddenly crushed by the realization that you are now Infinity-1 away from having enough monkey/typewriter combinations to produce a halfway decent screenplay, and die from a broken heart. It wouldn't have mattered anyway, though, it's not like they make typewriter ribbon anymore.

I wish to unwish the last wish I wished.

[Sareth]

As this wish was the last wish that you wished, your wish to unwish it unwishes it. Of course, as a result of this, the wish to unwish your wish is unwished, resulting in your still wishing it. The resulting paradox results in the total rewriting of the universe. The Nazis won WWII, Al Bundy is president, and we're all married to Barney the Dinosaur.

Nice job breaking it, hero.

I wish I had not wished for fish, which someone already had.

[Alberich]

I wish I had not wished for fish, which someone already had.

Granted. However, your wish includes a false premise; the other person actually wished for "dish" on September 1, 2008 (and was rewarded with a dish of hemlock). To accomodate your changes, history is unspun back to 2008, and through subtle butterfly effects, whichever results you liked about the 2008 elections are all reversed, and whichever results you didn't like happened by a larger margin. But never fear: Instead of having wished for "fish," you have now wished for "Cthulhu," and the resulting cataclysm renders your political concerns amusingly, pathetically irrelevant. Morever, because of you, we never find out how Errant Story turns out.

I belatedly wish Impy a happy birthday.

[Tiamat]

But, if it's any consolation, the legal arguments about theft by wish, and the validity of a warrant based on testimony about magic, provide amusement to law students for generations to come.

(Side note: "May you live in interesting times" is not much of a curse these days, but "may you be the subject of fascinating legal precedents" - that would be.)

Actually, there is a legal precedent for prosecuting on testimony about magic. I can't remember the case name and don't feel like finding it in my Criminal Law casebook, but the gist of it was that two guys were successfully prosecuted for solicitation of the murder of a federal judge when they went to a voodoo priest and asked him to use his voodoo magic to kill the judge for sending them to prison. We law students need more cases like that. Now, back to the game:

I wish -

To drink, and leave the world unseen,
And with thee fade away into the forest dim:
Fade far away, dissolve, and quite forget
What thou among the leaves hast never known,
The weariness, the fever, and the fret.

Granted. After drinking some particularly foul rotgut made from, of all things, mushrooms, you flee into a national park during the night, clad only in socks. After running yourself to exhaustion and getting hopelessly lost from the hallucinations, you pass out around 3:00AM. When you wake up, you are perfectly content, having lost your memories of all prior events. Unfortunately, you have no food, are dehydrated from your frenetic run, and you have no idea where you are. You are also still without clothing.

Good luck!

I wish that the world was somewhat better.

[Alberich]

It seems you've inadvertently skipped about 6 posts - a shame for me, as you were a little less brutal to me than Viking-Sensei was (he had the offended poet's ghost beating me to death with a giant nightingale). Perhaps you'll try again on the last wish?

Law students who want fun cases, and who haven't already, should try Washington v. Alaimo, 934 F. Supp. 1395 (if you haven't had that case already - it's more in the con law/"right of access to the courts" area rather than crim law).

[Jack Rothwell]

I wish that the world was somewhat better.

Granted, and it is. Just not for you. In order to accomodate the new 'betterness' in the world the cosmos takes all the negative karma that was taken away and dumps it on you. Within a week, you find yourself with a hunchback, one leg and leprosy.

I wish more people would read and reply to my fanfic for errant road.

[Tiamat]

It seems you've inadvertently skipped about 6 posts - a shame for me, as you were a little less brutal to me than Viking-Sensei was (he had the offended poet's ghost beating me to death with a giant nightingale). Perhaps you'll try again on the last wish?

Law students who want fun cases, and who haven't already, should try Washington v. Alaimo, 934 F. Supp. 1395 (if you haven't had that case already - it's more in the con law/"right of access to the courts" area rather than crim law).

Huh. So I did. Must not have noticed there was an extra page of replies... Oooooh well.

Since Jack skipped you, I'll do your last wish and his at the same time. Maybe that'll make up for it.

I belatedly wish Impy a happy birthday.

Granted! She hits you with a mallet for waiting so long.

I wish more people would read and reply to my fanfic for errant road.

Granted! Unfortunately, the people are spammers and the replies aren't really helpful in any sense. Well, unless you need a dating site.

I wish classes would start up again (as terrifying as exams are, I actually rather enjoy law school...).